In these instances, one may feel the person looks the same but is completely and utterly changed.
significantly changes their belief system, lifestyle, or priorities.goes through a life-changing experience (yes, like grief).changes their identity for the sake of a new relationship.joins or leaves a devoutly religious group.So we’re talking about changes in identity that may seem a little more drastic. Specifically, Pauline Boss, who introduced the concept of ambiguous loss, discusses loved ones who are physically still with us, but who have undergone a significant identity change but are expected to be who they always were. Someone might experience ambiguous loss over a friend if their friend has undergone a drastic change in identity. Why did the person give up or abandon the friendship?.When the friendship break-up is due to a conflict, you may question: People might find themselves caught between grief over the loss of the friend and hope that they can someday reconcile. When a friendship starts to fracture, there’s often a lot of uncertainty. A person may feel uncomfortable or guilty for experiencing grief-related thoughts and emotions over someone who is still alive.A person may feel stuck between a sense of hope and hopelessness.There are questions over whether the person or relationship will return to normal or be restored.There’s a lack of any finality (the loss is ongoing).It’s often unclear whether there has been a loss.Generally speaking, ambiguous losses are different from death losses in that: ‘Ambiguous’ in this context, is another way of saying confusing and complicated. You can read more about ambiguous loss here and here. Ambiguous loss is when you’re grieving a person who is still alive. Looking at the issue more broadly, we believe one of the main reasons friendship loss is so difficult is because it’s an ambiguous loss. What happened? What did the friendship mean to you? How does it make you feel about yourself, your friend, people in general? These are all questions only you can answer and, because this is a loss deserving of being grieved, we encourage you to take some time to ask yourself these questions. The reasons why your friendship break-up sucks are specific to you and your particular situation. It’s important to understand, gratitude for existing relationships doesn’t cancel out grief over lost connections. On the other, they may have a deeper appreciation for friendships they’ve kept and the new connections they’ve made since their loss (what we like to call “grief friends”). On the one hand, they are grieving for relationships they’ve lost. Grieving people often experience an interesting paradox. Grieving people sometimes feel they’ve outgrown or drifted away from certain friendships.People sometimes struggle to accept when a grieving friend doesn’t quickly return to “normal.”.People don’t always know what to do in a crisis, so they offer bad support or disappear altogether.Hardship changes a person’s support system for a variety of reasons. There’s an added layer of relevancy to this topic for WYG’s audience because friendship loss is a common secondary loss after experiencing the death of a loved one. Some cling to a sense of shared history and affection for the person they used to know, only to finally realize their friend has shifted so far in their entire way of being and believing they’re effectively a stranger. Some allow second, third, and fourth chances. Some manage to keep their friendships stable as long as there is any common ground left to stand on. Some people view particular disputes, offenses, beliefs, and attitudes as make-or-break. The degree to which conflicts and disagreements bend or break a person’s relationships is entirely subjective.
I blame the giant crevasse that we call the political divide. Sure, breaking up with a friend has always been hard to do, but 2020 seems to be a banner year for the disintegration of relationships.
The loss of a living friend feels especially relevant right now.
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